im so fucking scared

2 min read

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imreallyNOTokay's avatar
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im lost.
we started talking about every night since the last week of january after i had told him that i had stopped self harming, something he had wanted me to do for a while.

he was the only one to hug me after i found out i wasn't accepted into the band.
he didn't go with his brother, he stayed with me outside like i asked. when it was cold, he let me hold him for warmth.

he was outside my classroom the day after i told him i would trust him, when i refused to leave and see him.

he stopped talking to me, no more than tortured glances, never looking me in the eye. but everything was fine going home, we still talked.

he tells me i don't have anything to be sorry for, wants me to stop apologizing to him. tells me that he wants to help me.

he held me once i started to cry and then stayed with me when the other two had to leave. he said to text him if i needed. and when i told him i had to leave, he stood up just to hug me, then layed back down.

he laughs with his friends. i don't exist to him, im never acknowledged anymore.
i asked him how mad he would be if i started self harming again. he told me he'd only be disappointed, that it takes time and we'll get through it.

but with him pretending i don't exist in school and being the last option im not real sure if it's him or someone else
and i have no idea what's happening
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Comments3
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nykolasandrews's avatar
I feel this so hard.... I am so sorry :c -huggles-