Relationships

I have returned to state my problems once again.
And I humbly apologize for the disturbance of it.

Currently, I’m in a relationship with someone out of my country. And I haven’t said a single word about this to my family. I mean, I’m only 14 years old, both of my parents would probably freak out.

Much worse is that I’m freaking out, since I want to break up with him. I have no idea why, but I’m having troubles making my new story, replaying Pokémon Emerald, and in sleeping.

I really don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I have my reasons, three selfish reasons to be exact.

First one is that I need to concentrate on my stories and studies. My head is always in cloud 9 thinking of him. And it’s been bugging me lately, since I keep complaining that I haven’t seen him in awhile. See, I’m complaining right now (That’s what I think).

Second reason, I’m lacking sleep. My mom and my grandma are complaining about me for drinking 3 cups of coffee in one day.

And the third reason is that, our teacher just told us (during our fellowship last time) that we girls shouldn’t be dating someone in this kind of age. And I must agree to their statement, I almost got caught because of my current status, and I’M STILL FREAKING OUT BECAUSE OF IT.

But right now, I really need some advice.

Should I break up with him? He’s seriously a nice guy. But I keep on thinking that I’m not good enough for him, since I’m currently in a state of suicidal and in depression. Moreover, he's the main reason why I'm acting up so weird and distracted.

I simply don’t understand my emotions and myself anymore. The half of me loves him, and the half of me has a deep hatred for him. My emotions are mostly filled with love, jealousy and depression because of my status.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NOW.