I'm over this

I've got a lot of things running through my mind so i'll try and keep this short. Everything went to shit tonight. I had the whole day to myself but i was told to do some chores. I did one of them but i didn't want to because i was so damn miserable today. I just wanted to swallow some pills and not wake up in the morning. when my mum and her bf got home they saw one bit of mess on the floor and were convinced i didn't do my job at all and they destroyed my computer which had all my personal information on it, all the songs i love, photos, poems, stories, games, over 300gb of stuff all because according them i'm a lazy sack of shit self harmer who doesn't appreciate anything and should just end my life before someone else does it for me. i broke down, punching myself and wanting to cut again and the voices came back to me. i started writing this journal over an hour ago and i had my razor within reach but i didn't cut until after my mum came in and lectured me and i told her that all day i was thinking about dying, oding on pills, so she said that no one will miss me if i did. then i cut.

i'd go to my councilor, the only person who is actually helpful and understands, and ask her for help to get me away from all this bullshit, but she's on holidays and i won't see her until January. I just hope i can survive that long without completely losing my sanity or patience with life.

I know that killing myself won't do anything, as much as i really want to die some days. I'm just sick of suffering because of my fucked up life at home. maybe homelessness would better than family that just doesnt give a shit or try to help.