Demolition Lover

Hi! I'm the lonely girl who's typing this,
Have any of you lot ever got the feeling the person telling you they'll always love you is lying?
I have... and it turned out to be true! Can you believe it?
I mean, what kind of person does that to someone they know has suicidal tenancies?
I tried like four times after said person kicked my heart in the ass, and now, he's got the nerve to say he still cares about me???
Really? Is that how it works? Is it stupid that  I want to believe him because I still care about him?
This was my first heterosexual relationship, so, I'm used to the way it was with my girlfriend (who by the way I got back together with).
On that note, things feel different with her now, like, it's awkward because I want to be with someone else, but I don't want to leave her because I know what it would do to her, she's like me, y'know? Suicidal.
Is it horrible that I wish I could make her hate me?