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Group Info Group Founded 6 Years ago Statistics 5,580 Members
251,158 Pageviews4,143 Watchers

Group Info

This is a group for those who feel rejected, confused, lost, anxious , wronged .. unclean, angry, ashamed, curious , used and for anyone who feels they will NEVER BE OKAY...!

Join if you want your feelings to be known and for your shouts to be heard.

Remember you are never alone.

And since this group is inspired by MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, let's keep the army alive and submit your artworks, literary works and photography to our new gallery called "KILLJOYS DON'T DIE" imreallynotokay.deviantart.com…

Group Avatar (c) LeiYoue
Group
Founded 6 Years ago
Jul 24, 2010

Location
Global

Group Focus
Common Interest

5,580 Members
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  • :iconadopt-from-frog:
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Well...let's summarize what has happened in the last few months and give a general overview over my problems of the last years.

I am a clean self harmer, and have been clean for 2 years now. (YAY)

I found a boyfriend a year after i broke up with my ex-longdistant-junkyasshole ofhole of a boyfriende. (should have been a one-night-stand) but eh. He was nice and crazy in a good way. But he never wants to go out or spend time with me expect if he wants to stay home, expecti ng sex i guess? At the same time i feel i take advantage of hime for having sex, still spend nearly no time with him but rather with my friends and on the other hand i feel he takes advantage of me, using me for sex only, often ditching "dates" or other stuff were we planned to hang out with our friends in the last possible moment (or even not at all and if i call him after he had been late for 30 minutes he says he doesn't feel like going out)


I am part of punk subculture, but have here no friends in the punk scene, to say the least i have an extremely bad reputation within the punk scene here. I guess when i was was 14 i fucked a guy which has a really really bad reputation and even though i didn't knew about it they still accuse me of being fucked by this really old and unhygienic dude.


Anyways i found new friends, communists at the beginning, but now i guess i am with the few raver people of the communists. And as it is seen as normal within the raver and goa scene drugs are just expending your mind or are genualy said harmless nice things, i started doing them more frequently. I did a few drugs bevore, punks aren't very selfcontrolling or happy people so it was always easy to get drugs and there always were some around. But now i am losing controll, i was on 2 goas in 2 days and 2full days of "afterchill" to come down from the uppers. Of course here using loads and loads of downers.
Well if something like that happens every half year it is no trouble but since i got to hang out with the ravers we do this about 1 a month. And the other weekends we "just" o partying once and hang out afterwards for two days straight anyways.

It's not like they are pulling me down on there level, it's more like I pull them down because i have no demands on live expect to flee this fucking shit here and no morals nor concepts in live. They on the other side go along and like my "I don't care"-attitude. Since we started hanging out also people in our circles which have never ever even thought about doing drugs tried it and all of them liked it and want to go to such hard partys now with us more often.



Now here my problem:

Those are my only friends, the first social environment of mine which stood strong even though they know how crazy, violent and mean i can be. And i know i will never ever find such a large and reliable group of friends again.
But: They are a bad influence to me, because the go along with my shitty attitude and stupid decisions and are my source of drugs. And i am a bad influence because we pull other people with us into the abyss and trap each other in a permanent downward spiral in relation to the standard of living, lifestyle and attitude towards life. Also i guess i love my boyfriend, even though we have been togther for !/2 year and haven't even said "I love you" jet, i don't wanna lose him but also i want to live freely, fuck hoever i want to and hang out with whomever whenever i want (expext for the sex he lets me do anything i want anyways) I feel like we shouldnt have come together but should have rather started being friends with benefits or something like this...but it's way to late for that.

well...i really don't know what to do, i feel my brain and body beeing wrecked and at the same time i realy enjoy it all.
Also i am so broke i get to eat like once a day, and if i have money i rather spend it on cigarettes (then on beer) than on food...
(sorry for grammmar and spelling, i am neither a native english speaker nor sober at the moment)
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:iconskylinestudio4:
SkylineStudio4 Featured By Owner May 26, 2016  Professional General Artist
I'll never understand the point of cutting yourself because it's a slow and painful process anyway. Some people get use to doing it, but I've never resorted to cutting myself. Usually I blog lengthy blogs for handling issues...For those who weren't mentally abused or raised on religion, suicide is an easier option. I've written about this issue more than once..
Reply
:iconthereverendofdrugs:
TheReverendofDrugs Featured By Owner May 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Theres a number of reasons people will resort to self harm. Sometimes they do not have the means of writing about their feelings, whether literally (no paper/pen/computer) or metaphorically (they cannot put these feelings into words). 

Sometimes, they feel numb and dead inside and just want to feel something. Sometimes, they want to remind themselves that they're alive. Sometimes, they like the way red leaks from their skin and cells will swell up, then tug on threads of shirts for weeks to come. Sometimes, they hate themselves so much that they think this is all they deserve - pain, scars, cuts, blood, like its a punishment for existing. Sometimes, its a distraction from a worse pain. Sometimes, its a combination of all of these things. 
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:iconskylinestudio4:
SkylineStudio4 Featured By Owner May 26, 2016  Professional General Artist
I'd much rather choose suicide over cutting. Only issue with suicide is that, one can't be too sure if you can be punished for doing it or not. I have a hard time
believing in faith, yet don't exactly write it off as all make believe since too many theories in that crappy little book of mind fuckery and fear has predicted a few things that has occurred. 
Yet I'll never buy the story that a Garden of Eve existed, or that a man was able to part a sea. 
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:iconthereverendofdrugs:
TheReverendofDrugs Featured By Owner May 29, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Suicide is permanent if successful. 
Cutting is less-so. 
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(1 Reply)
:iconxxcloneyxx:
xXCloneyXx Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm so sad rn..
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:iconfourfootfive:
fourfootfive Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for noticing me...*sigh
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:iconwoshusins:
WoshUSins Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2016
*imactuallyfinebutiwantattention

(not directed to eVERyone in this group, but i bet this is for most of them)
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:iconxxcloneyxx:
xXCloneyXx Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What evidence do you have of that exactly?
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:iconblack-dog2008:
black-dog2008 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks!
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:iconliyaperfidious:
liyaperfidious Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2015
Is this group dying?
It's really not okay!! D::::
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